urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pokadotpirate 211 BitCh... PrOvE iT! PoKaDoT BaLLeRiNa 2005-10-06T15:16:59Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pokadotpirate:2329 2005-10-06T15:16:59Z 2005-10-06T15:16:59Z as the days pass slowly and the weeks creep by <br />i find myself obssesing of way that i could die<br />id lay awake at night thinking of my pain<br />theres no way it could get better<br />i have nothing left to gain<br />suddenly thoughts of death are controlling my every move<br />and every battle with my mind<br />i always seem to lose<br />i no longer wish to be around the people that i love<br />all i can think about is whats waiting up above<br />i cut my arms with razor blades to dull the pain inside <br />but that only lasts so long <br />i dont want to be alive<br />i manage to keep my composure when people are near<br />they wont ever understand me <br />so i never shed a tear<br />i smile when i have to <br />i brake down when i dont<br />i know i should be strong<br />but i also know i wont<br />so i make a plan to end my pain and it shouldnt take too long<br />i even wrote out notes for my friends to read when i am gone<br />i plan it out so perfectly i even set the date<br />im pretty sure im ready <br />i know this is my fate<br />i ask my dad to understand that life is just too hard<br />my mind cant fight it anymore <br />my heart is far too scarred<br />my eyes are getting heavy <br />as my body starts to go numb <br />i start to feel a little scared<br />but i know im almost done<br />i hope i go to heaven <br />where dark night turns into day<br />i start to feel a lil scared<br />as i slowly slip away<br />i know its really selfish <br />but it has to end this way <br />im glad my dads not here right now <br />to watch me slowly die<br />but i still wish i could say <br />i love you and goodbye<br />i wake up in confusion <br />i dont know where i am<br />my friends and family are here comforting one another<br />i can barely make out words<br />until i hear my father<br />each tear he cries is like a knife stabbing at my soul<br />somehow i let my pain and suffering blind me from my goal<br />at a point i was determined to make it through this test<br />to live a life of happiness <br />and to do my very best<br />i apologized to everyone for causing them so much strife<br />and i promised to work harder in leading a better life<br />i know it wont be easy theres a long road up ahead <br />but im gonna make the memories last <br />im living my life over <br />and im learning from my past... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pokadotpirate:2172 2005-10-02T20:26:30Z 2005-10-02T20:26:30Z I wonder as i wander out under the sky<br />why do people i care about <br />always have to die?<br />are you happy where you are?<br />wherever that may be<br />i wonder as i wander<br />do you still think of me? <br />is it nice up there in heaven?<br />for i know you made it there<br />are the clouds made out of marshmallows?<br />do you know that i still care?<br />i look up at the winter sky <br />and shed a single tear<br />i think of all the days gone by<br />ill always hold you dear<br />i wonder as i wander <br />out under the sky<br />why do people i care about<br />always have to die? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pokadotpirate:1943 2005-09-17T20:25:50Z 2005-09-17T20:25:50Z A STATIC LULLABY WOOOOOOOOO MY 18TH BIRTHDAY AND NO UGLY DARK BITCHES CAN MESS THIS UP FOR ME IM HANGING OUT WITH THE COOLEST PEOPLE<br />MY ONE AND ONLY SID SKUM<br />SOME OF HIS HOMIES<br />ASHLEY<br />JOHN<br />ANDI<br />ALEX<br />JOANNA<br />ASHLEY SALAZAR<br />JESSICA<br />DREA<br />DAVID <br />CHRISTINA<br />PROBABLY DONNY CAUSE ITS HIS BIRTHDAY TOO!<br />AND SOME OF THE RIALTO PEEPS <br />AMBBER HOPEFULLY<br />WHIT HOPEFULLY<br />ALISSA HOPEFULLY<br />HEIDI<br />ANGEL<br />LOUIS<br />VERO<br />LIL VERO <br />JENICE<br />RAYMOND HOPEFULLY<br />ERNESTINE AND KEVIN I HOPE!<br />ELENA<br />AND MANY MANY MORE urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pokadotpirate:1692 2005-08-31T05:28:00Z 2005-08-31T05:28:00Z cold play Bitches are soooo fuckin stupid these days but im not even gonna say anything because shell see whats up stupid ugly dark bitch haha anywho i had fun this sunday with ruth lupe the other ruth margaret natalie and HECTOR!!!!!aww anywho peace the fuck out! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pokadotpirate:1525 2005-08-23T07:04:01Z 2005-08-23T07:04:01Z well today was FUN for the first time in a long time<br />i hung out with ash and elena<br />we saw the 40 year old virgin <br />went to the hookah <br />it was cool<br />i really miss freddy ALOT <br />what have i done?<br />im sooo stupid and ill never get him back<br />that sux <br />well thats my life for ya! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pokadotpirate:1242 2005-08-22T07:20:16Z 2005-08-22T07:20:16Z the unseen well im here at ashleys house <br />im sick<br />im sober<br />i hate myself<br />im single<br />i hurt alot of people real bad<br />i feel like shit and dont know what to do<br />i miss david alreadyn he went back to 29 palms<br />i feel like my road is coming to an end <br />and theres no one else to blame but myself<br />i miss elena ALOT <br />i hate when people are mad at me but i fucked up and theres not much i can do... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pokadotpirate:1015 2005-08-13T06:03:03Z 2005-08-13T06:03:03Z well lets see today sucked ass. i feel sooo fuckin low like im at rock bottom and nothing seems to make me happy anymore besides freddy and i still act stupid with him y because i am stupid. im here at my moms house right now the usual drug status shit is goin on and ive never thought about ending my life as bad as right now for no reason at all. Sometimes reality just hits me outta no where...i guess thats what bi-polar does to you and its sucks.<br />i miss <br />sid<br />lil john <br />skruffy<br />ashley<br />heidi<br />christina<br />ruth<br />natalie<br />cesar<br />audra<br />angie<br />whitney<br />k la<br />alissa<br />ambber<br />paco<br />pat-c<br />jairo<br />donny<br />mario<br />erwin<br />............the list goes on <br />these people mean the world to me and i miss them sooo much fuck man how i long for the good ol' days but then reality hits and you realize nothing lasts forever...<br />what have i become? <br />how did my life turn this bad/<br />when did it all start? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pokadotpirate:405 2005-08-06T11:41:40Z 2005-08-06T11:41:40Z from autumn to ashes with elena:4:30 in the morning.<br />hah so today was long.<br />i got in a car crash.<br />and i miss freddy.<br />hah.<br />im not even tired.<br />awwwww....<br />thats it im done.